Damsel

Damsel promotional image

Streaming on: Netflix

Language: English

CC: English

Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Dark

Content warnings: Dark visuals for chunks of the movie

Alright y'all as someone who grew up in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms) I will be among the first to admit I have a deep love of fantasy, adventure, and almost anything involving mythological creatures. By those qualifiers alone Damsel has been on my radar for some time with minor amounts of reservation that it will be the same story told a million times over by now.

Opening the movie with a big ole dragon fire roasting some medieval soldiers while their leader has to bow before said dragon... very solid opening. It's fun getting to see Millie Bobby Brown continuing to play in the historical fiction realms (Enola Holmes was a fun one and I'll post of a review of that eventually as well). This film plops you directly into the action of it all and catches you up with relative speed. Country suffering in big ways, their eldest princess forced into marriage with a prince from another country, and the resulting journey to save her country. Unfortunately this particular part of this tale feels a little... overdone but at least it's only the opening sequence? I can hope we get some better storytelling though and I'm excited that dragons seem to be a central theme. The sets and costuming designs are fun - enough roots in history while maintaining enough visual fantasy and vibrancy that it sets the tone very well. OKAY my first I call BULLSHIT is the horse riding scene between Henry and Elodie - they have her in a Western style saddle versus a sidesaddle style and in all those damn skirts and the big overcoat. Seems very sus for such a rich noble family.

Robin Wright as the pompous/vicious Queen Isabelle is absolutely spot on. Angela Basset as a very loving stepmother Lady Bradford to Elodie and her sister is well matched energy. The conflict between "poor" country and "rich" country is keeping up with the mild amounts of disappointment that so far this film is pretty but the story is dull which is not the greatest sign at nearly 30 minutes in. OH okay we just made it more interesting at that actual 30min mark as we learn the history of this seemingly beautiful and "rich" island. DAYUM. Talk about throwing her under the bus - like I understand not telling the princess... but still. The whole royal sacrifice thing surrounded by finery and golden masks on all minus her new husband Henry and his mother. Very horror film vibes and it grabbed my attention. Imagine being Henry in this situation... a pretty girl is brought to you to marry and you don't even get 24 real hours with her before you're supposed to throw her into a hole like a used tissue. So of course this is now going to be a movie about Elodie surviving the dragon and overthrowing the rich royals to get them to stop routinely sacrificing young women to a dragon. We've got like an hour left. I am sus again. I'm curious if she manages to escape the dragon or befriend it though. Befriending it I feel like would be far more novel than escaping it but we'll see.

I really wanted to be more engaged with Elodie's escape escapades in the caverns but honestly I kept picking up other things near me and sort of glancing at the screen at the moments the soundtrack and screams dictated something noteworthy might be happening. I know they were going through the motions of showing Elodie as a quick thinker and as having skills perhaps other princesses in this situation lacked... but it still just comes through as rather predictable and closer to ho-hum than exciting. Things like, oh hey you've found water but we're going to have the dragon appear right above you so that you both don't get any water and now the dragon is actively trying to eat you again. I want to know more about the bioluminescent caterpillars than I do about how she's going to "get out" - because frankly we already know that she's going to get out. There's no movie that puts this much energy into her solo escape only to have her die at the end.

Good on Dad to come back for her and all that... I really wish this movie was holding my attention more but it feels like it's just not quite there. Now let's see what the royalty does with pissed off dragon and escaped "sacrifice". I'm sure this will involve a face off between Elodie, the dragon, and Queen Isabelle. Once again in the entirely predictable category now we've got the younger sister Floria involved in this whole mess as who is supposed to be the next sacrifice... thus preventing Elodie from managing her escape with another 20 minutes left in the film. Bum bum bum. So now Floria is in the hole, Elodie is on horseback, and last we saw the dragon it was flying around burning shit to the ground. Elodie continues to be entirely predictable and re-enters the caverns this time "prepared" from her escape. Never mind that she hasn't eaten anything in like this entire MOVIE but she's apparently got enough adrenaline going on that she'll just keep going. Woman's gonna sleep like the dead after this is finished. I'm still more interested in the dragon than I am in Elodie and all this sacrificial bullshit. Like I want the dragon's story... this story is predictable, boring, and rather unable to hole my attention in the long run. Even this "epic" "final" battle between Elodie and the dragon just isn't doing it - like bitch you're really gonna turn your back on and walk away from a dragon you just pissed off and injured? And here we "thought" you had some sense.

Oh hey, look at that. We did "befriend" the dragon. We did get revenge on the royals who have been asshats this entire time. We did get to see "justice". Even if it was all amazingly predictable. Even if we lost almost every supporting character. Even if we're left with oodles of questions. Even if we see dragon and princess liberation. It's rare that I will hit a film that I just don't care for... but readers. This has been one of them. I won't ever tell someone NOT to watch a film... but know that this is one I can't ever see myself recommending to anyone. For any reason.

No beloved quotes from this one.